How I Became Awkward With Hugs

Preparation: Today I got up at 4.30am in preparation for tomorrow’s 7am gig. At about 5.15am I decided I would seek the sunrise. There is a nice vista about 30 minutes from my house so I started walking. I overlooked the vista for about an hour but unfortunately it was too cloudy and I didn’t get to see the sun at all. The last time I remember seeing the rising was 12 years ago when I spent all night talking to a girl under a tree at some musical after-party. I had a secret crush on her.

Some people say the sunrise/sunset is proof that God exists. Personally, I think it is the best proof we have that the sun exists. I also think it looks good because it keeps us alive. Things that keep us alive usually look pleasing to us. Thanks sun.

If God exists, why did he make lollies taste so good? The dentist says I’m running low on enamel so I have to be super careful with sugar. My advice to everyone is don’t brush your teeth too hard and don’t do it straight after eating. Your enamel is most vulnerable immediately after exposure to sugar. The dentist says I’m guilty of these things and that’s why my enamel is low. Be careful!

It Is Right To Give Thanks: Sometimes you’ve just got to give thanks. Missing out on the sunrise this morning was a shame, but I have a good strategy to counter disappointment. I tell myself there is someone out there named Garrett who has no arms or legs and is unable to see or hear. Somehow, through his remaining senses, plus a sixth sense (giving him four), he learns to understand language. This amazing feat allows him to discover that there is a wonderful world outside his body which he will not be able to enjoy as much as anyone else in the world.

To console himself, all he can do is imagine someone very similar to him but who lacks the senses of taste and smell and is also aware of how much they are missing out on. Unfortunately for Garrett, his sixth (fourth) sense informs him that this person does not exist and he is in fact the most miserable being in the universe.

Just to reiterate, this strategy helps me to deal with disappointment.

Human Touch: The other night, some friends told me that I make a lot of noise when I hug. It’s true. I do a really loud “Aahhhhhhhh!” I think I do this because I am a bit uncomfortable with human contact. Don’t get me wrong – I like it. It’s just one of those things.

When I was a child, I used to throw tantrums. My mum would hug my angry body to calm me down. But mum, I didn’t want to be calmed down! One day I escaped her embrace and yelled “Get your hands off me!” She didn’t hug me again until I was 23.

I’m no expert but maybe that’s why I am an awkward hugger. I need more practice. Please hug me.

Politics: The first thing I did when I got up at 4.30am was comment on someone’s Facebook status about politics. Their status was an expression of disillusionment with politics. I’m not sure if I have ever been “illusioned” with politics but I can remember a kid called Spencer getting us pretty riled up about Joan Kirner in Grade 1.

“Who do we want!?”

“Joan Kirner!”

“How do we want her!?”

Dead!

Movie Pick: Some people don’t think Helen Hunt is hot, but 15 years ago our school camp leader showed us a 1987 film called Project X. In this film, Helen Hunt radiates. She also tries to save a monkey from a project known only as “X”. Check it out!

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